Have you ever experienced moments in your life where uncertainity grips you and you tread taking every small step in life?Well thats exactly what Iam going through rite now.

I am always thinking of what lies ahead in life for me and what i fear the most ,is that i might not get what i desire.This fear has been perpetual,there seems no end.

When i was small, there was fear of exams,where everyone around me from teachers to parents would pressurize me to score well.It was cliche, of them to say that if you dont get good marks you wont succeed in life.That's one parameter i never used to judge my performance.School days were only mugging up.It never taught us how to live,or how to earn,except it taught us to learn a lot of gibberish most of which we dont remember or even use now.I always thought of Bill gates who was a college dropout,Richard Branson a Dyslexic,and it gave me some respite.In college ,there was fear of not getting a good Job. After job there was fear of not getting appraisal.Besides , i also fear crowded areas.Infact, thats another story altogether and i could go on and on about my agoraphobia,but as of now i wont discuss that.Well, is there an end to this dilemma??

I dont know, but yes Iam trying. The only time i remember i was fearless was when i was a kid. Back then i was not ashamed of anything,i would ask for anything i want, without fear of rejection.I would talk rubbish without fearing what others would think.Later over the years i lost that quality and then others fears became my fears.Without even trying, i would trust what others would say about something.Opinion was the cheapest thing available and everybody seemed to be giving me opinions on what should or should not be done.Ultimately I was not myself anymore.My thoughts were what others thought about something.If they said it was easy it was,If they said it was difficult it was.

This feeling of uncertainity has built up over the years and its because i have never confronted my fears head on.Now that i feel i should try everything in life an make an opinion based on what i think.If i like it i go ahead else i drop it.I dont like saying that i cant do this ,because someone else has told me,but i'd rather say i tried it myself and didnt like it.I want to be as i was when i was a kid,fearless. There was no fear then as i always felt god was with me, watching over me, and protecting me.

When i was a kid i would dream all day ,without worrying the outcome.My dreams were crazy ,i dreamt of making friends with giants, Or of having some tiny human as my friend ,who was the size of my thumb.I would imagine that he would make me his size and then we would enter his tiny world ,which was through a tiny crevice in the wall. All this i guess was Alice in wonderland inspired. It's just that i always thought of whatever i felt like.

Now Dreams are not even half as wacky as they used to be. So , as much as i loathe being uncertain,i hope that i stop fearing the unknown and start trusting myself more..

Note::I have used (i) throughout doesnt mean i have a big inflated ego,its just that "we" might not be appropriate because others might not feel the same.