Have you ever experienced moments in your life where uncertainity grips you and you tread taking every small step in life?Well thats exactly what Iam going through rite now.

I am always thinking of what lies ahead in life for me and what i fear the most ,is that i might not get what i desire.This fear has been perpetual,there seems no end.

When i was small, there was fear of exams,where everyone around me from teachers to parents would pressurize me to score well.It was cliche, of them to say that if you dont get good marks you wont succeed in life.That's one parameter i never used to judge my performance.School days were only mugging up.It never taught us how to live,or how to earn,except it taught us to learn a lot of gibberish most of which we dont remember or even use now.I always thought of Bill gates who was a college dropout,Richard Branson a Dyslexic,and it gave me some respite.In college ,there was fear of not getting a good Job. After job there was fear of not getting appraisal.Besides , i also fear crowded areas.Infact, thats another story altogether and i could go on and on about my agoraphobia,but as of now i wont discuss that.Well, is there an end to this dilemma??

I dont know, but yes Iam trying. The only time i remember i was fearless was when i was a kid. Back then i was not ashamed of anything,i would ask for anything i want, without fear of rejection.I would talk rubbish without fearing what others would think.Later over the years i lost that quality and then others fears became my fears.Without even trying, i would trust what others would say about something.Opinion was the cheapest thing available and everybody seemed to be giving me opinions on what should or should not be done.Ultimately I was not myself anymore.My thoughts were what others thought about something.If they said it was easy it was,If they said it was difficult it was.

This feeling of uncertainity has built up over the years and its because i have never confronted my fears head on.Now that i feel i should try everything in life an make an opinion based on what i think.If i like it i go ahead else i drop it.I dont like saying that i cant do this ,because someone else has told me,but i'd rather say i tried it myself and didnt like it.I want to be as i was when i was a kid,fearless. There was no fear then as i always felt god was with me, watching over me, and protecting me.

When i was a kid i would dream all day ,without worrying the outcome.My dreams were crazy ,i dreamt of making friends with giants, Or of having some tiny human as my friend ,who was the size of my thumb.I would imagine that he would make me his size and then we would enter his tiny world ,which was through a tiny crevice in the wall. All this i guess was Alice in wonderland inspired. It's just that i always thought of whatever i felt like.

Now Dreams are not even half as wacky as they used to be. So , as much as i loathe being uncertain,i hope that i stop fearing the unknown and start trusting myself more..

Note::I have used (i) throughout doesnt mean i have a big inflated ego,its just that "we" might not be appropriate because others might not feel the same.

A SALUTE TO WOMEN!!

Geeta was deeply immersed in her thoughts. She seemed perturbed about something, there was sadness in her eyes. She knew laxmi would be gone in sometime.

Geeta stayed with her eldest son Hari, granddaughter and grandsons in a tiny village ,65
miles northwest of Bhopal. She was staring outside the window of her mud house,watching laxmi
play tug-of war with 2 young boys. Laxmi was 11 years old.She loathed playing girly
games. She wasn't the dainty type, she was the tough one ,more of a tomboy. Geeta always
teasingly told laxmi,that she thought,she was a boy trapped in a girls body. Geeta really adored her only grandaughter.She had 4 grandsons,but laxmi was the youngest.Laxmi's mother had died 2 months after her birth.So it was geeta who took care of
laxmi. Geeta always hoped that laxmi got everything she was deprived of. But,now it
seemed a distant reality. Her dreams were shattered.Laxmi's father had gone to the city to
buy her wedding clothes.

Geeta was just 10 when she was married during Akkha teej,which is considered a very auspicious day for marriage's.There were 6 other couples.All more or less her age.She saw
her husband for the first time during her wedding.She kept sobbing during the entire
ceremony,she was too young to understand anything,But she knew that she would have to leave her parents.Her father considered girls a burden ,so he hastily got all his 5 daughters
married young. Geeta's father felt blessed for getting rid of his daughters ,whereas for her
all this seemed like a nightmare. After marriage ,she was treated like a servant,she would do household chores,and also help in field work.She had always dreamt of living in some big city,earning something on her own.But they stayed as dreams.She gave birth to a premature kid when she was just 15,which died months later.Her in laws cursed her for it.She gave birth to 3 children,only 2 survived.Laxmi was her 3rd sons daughter.Her eldest Daughter had eloped with someone from the neighbouring village,and settled in a city.She was obviously abandoned by her family.

Four days ago,Hari broke the news to Geeta ,that he had fixed laxmi's marriage with a
18 th year old boy from the neighbouring village,and she would get married in 2 weeks.She
tried her best to dissuade her son from getting laxmi married and persuade him to allow
laxmi 2 study further,but to no avail.He felt getting a girl educated would mean more
troubles in life.For the next 2 days Geeta was melancholy,she had never anticipated that her
son would take such a decision without her consent.She had big dreams for her
granddaughter.She was determined that she would not let laxmi get married so early.
Years back there was an awareness programme by an organisation in her village,
through which Geeta got to know about the law that said girls should be married only after
18.S he knew this was safe both for the mother and child. Two days back,she contacted the
organisation volunteers. She walked 4 miles in the hot sun to reach a phone booth,made a call
and pleaded them to help her granddaughter.They offered to help her.She had asked them to come home after 2 days when hari would be in the city.

She was staring outside her window waiting for them.It was a tough decision, and she knew well, that she wouldn't see laxmi for a long time.Her grandmother had packed her clothes.Laxmi was still playing outside, unaware of what was happening .Besides she didn't want laxmi to go through the miseries she suffered.There at a distance Geeta could see a jeep approach her house.There was a driver and two women.They had come to take Laxmi.

Geeta spoke to them,tears streaming her eyes.She asked them to take good care of Laxmi.Geeta then called laxmi,who came running towards her.She told her that she would be going to some place for a few days where she would get loads of toys and sweets.Laxmi refused to go and cling ed hard to her grandmother.But Geeta summoned them to take laxmi away before her father returned.Laxmi yelled and screamed, as they pulled her towards the jeep.She thought grandmother didnt love her enough,and didnt know why she was doing this to her.In no time,Laxmi was taken in the jeep . Geeta fought back her tears ,as she knew this ephemeral sadness,would save laxmi from the eternal sadness that she would suffer otherwise.


This Women's day is a salute to all those women who have fought back the rigid rules of the society to change it,who have in their own way made someones life better and worth living,and who have added a new meaning to life with their unflinching strength and wisdom.